The Paths We Tread (Rivamika Jam 2019 - Paths
by AerNox
Summary: Eren has left Paradis to do reconnaissance work in Marley. Mikasa must deal with the emotion fallout as hatred begins to grow inside her. Levi returns from time away from the other Scouts to find a conflicted Mikasa.


The Paths That We Tread

The brisk chilly air assailed the group of young, but now seasoned scouts as they went about their work. Some of them hammered away at wooden sleepers into the earth, others setting up the iron rails to be fixed on top of them. The sweat produced by the work soon started biting uncomfortably upon the warm skin of the scouts.

"When are we calling it a day? I'm starting to get hungry." Jean called out to the group.

"I've actually got hunger pains from all of this work!" Sasha chimed in, guarding her belly.

Mikasa's fringe fell in front of her face, the rest of her hair tied up in a short ponytail, as she looked up at the fading light in the sky. To the west the sun had already begun its journey of departure, each day a little earlier than the last as the days had begun to grow shorter. Hues of blue, orange and yellow were indistinguishable, and were smeared along the horizon, bleeding into each other.

_It truly is autumn now_, Mikasa thought to herself as she continued to carry a massive amount of iron rails to the end of where the not yet complete railway track ended. She didn't feel like participating in conversation much these days, but she continued to listen to the others.

"Anytime now I'm sure one of the officers will come and dismiss us, I'm sure of it." Armin said, hammering a metal peg into the earth with some difficultly now as it was hardened by the cold.

"Good. Did I mentioned that I'm absolutely famished?" Sasha whined.

"Heh! Don't let the folks of the towns hear you say that!" Connie called back in a playful tone.

"Why do you say that, Connie?"

"Haven't you been reading the papers recently?" Connie's words dripped in dry sarcasm, "The public is starting to think that the Survey Corp is defunct. That we are a waste. A waste of food and resources."

"That can't be true!" Sasha's eye bulged and the revelation, and turned to Armin, hoping that he would contradict Connie.

Armin sensing her eyes on him, put down his hammer and wiped the cold sweat from his brow, "What Connie says is true. I heard Commander Hange mentioning it to the officers. It's a very delicate situation. The Survey Corp is in no way to be involved in any upsetting or scandalous situations, lest we stir up more disdain from the public." Armin shook his head before saying, "I wouldn't want to be Commander Hange right now."

"B-but we are part of the military, of course we need food!"

"Yes, the Survey Corp is part of the military. However, our regiment was founded on the principle of defeating titans. Except there are no titans on this island anymore." Connie's words lingered before anyone said anything.

"Well, technically-" Jean started

"You know what I mean, Jean!"

"Have they forgotten how many Scouts have died to save humanity? How much we have sacrificed? Out of all the regiments, the Survey Corp has lost the most soldiers a hundred times over than the others put together. Besides Connie, you know as well as I do, that defeating titans is not the only objective of our regiment. We are tasked with aiding human expansion, and exploring the outside…"

Connie nodded sympathetically to Sasha's words.

"Of course, I know that. But try telling that to the public, who have only ever had to worry about titans for their whole lives. They don't know much about Marley, or care much for the people there. It's harder for them, because they've never seen them. They don't know the threat that they pose, and that we are the best defence against them."

Mikasa shuddered at the word _Marley _and dropped a single iron rail from the huge bundle on her shoulders.

The group immediately became quiet. Mikasa continued to walk with the rest of her load, not bothering to pick up the fallen rail. When Jean thought she was out of hearing distance, the conversation continued.

"Why did you open up your big mouth!" Jean hissed at Connie.

Connie sighed.

"You know as well as I do, that Mikasa has to come to terms with Eren's decision at some point. He chose to leave us and go to Marley against the advice of Commander Hange. You know that she said it was too soon. But he wanted to go and do some _reconnaissance._"

Eren's choice to leave had not gone down well with anyone in the group, and to most people's surprise, even Jean. But especially Mikasa. Since that day, she had grown more insular and distant, more so than she was before.

"That suicidal bastard is going to get himself killed out there." Jean murmured, "And it'll be no one's fault except his own! And we will be the ones to go and rescue him!" Jean said, now exasperated.

"Shh! She's coming back!"

Mikasa pretended not to hear their conversation. It was easier that way than having to give her opinion, she was sure they all knew that she was upset. But it was easier to say nothing at all, than to admit and talk about how it made her feel hollow inside. She didn't know how she would even begin to put it into words. But maybe you couldn't put those feelings into words. You just _felt_ them.

"How is the train track coming along?" Levi said, trotting up with his horse.

The group of scouts looked up at him, too immersed in their conversation to notice him riding up to them before now. His cloak billowed around him as the frigid wind blew in from the exposed north, where the finished part of the railroad track came from.

"Welcome back, Captain Levi. Getting there…but it'll be a while before it's finished and ready for military and industrial use."

"Good. You are all dismissed for the day. You may go back to the outpost." Levi said, now truly looking at the progress that they had made.

Levi didn't often come down to this part the country but was surprised at the pace at which the railroad tracks were coming along.

"By any chance was there any news from Mitras, or from Shiganshina on your way back?"

"Things are moving slowly. There has been no word from Eren."

Dejected, the group packed up their belongings and threw on their cloaks to shield them from the wind that seemed to be growing stronger. Armin turned back to find Mikasa picking up the fallen piece of iron railing.

"Are you coming with us, Mikasa?" He asked, already knowing what her answer would be.

"Later. I'm not finished here yet."

Mikasa eyes didn't meet Armin's concerned ones, instead he pulled up his backpack walked over to Captain Levi.

"Levi, how are things _really_ in the capital?" Armin's voice was low.

"Not good. With Historia on the throne, we don't have to worry about food shortages for the scouts. But that doesn't change how the public feels about us. Times have changed. With the titans gone, we have lost a part of our purpose in their eyes."

"Except that the titans are not _all _gone."

Armin gave Levi a knowing look.

"Exactly."

The autumnal wind was starting to swell, whipping back Levi's hood. He scanned the horizon, observing the unfinished railroad track that was heading south. He watched as Mikasa picked up a ridiculous amount of iron rails and started walking to the end of the unfinished track.

"Any change with her?" He asked, motioning towards Mikasa.

Now that Levi looked at him, he could see that Armin's face had grown older and that he had tired eyes that carried an almost forlorn look. In his head, he knew the responsibilities that Armin would have to face up to and pondered whether he should say something to comfort him.

Armin shook his head. "No, no change. It's usual for her to stay late out here. Sasha tells me Mikasa usually gets back to the female dormitory when everybody is already in their beds. Goodnight, Captain."

The blonde man whose shoulders now appeared broader than the last time Levi saw him, slung on his backpack and started walking not far behind the rest of his group.

Levi dismounted his horse, gently pulling the reins as he walked over to Mikasa.

"From what I hear, you are overworking yourself."

"I'm not tired. Maybe people should mind their own business." Mikasa spat back, continuing to walk to end of the track.

"Of course you're not tired. But you are my business," Levi replied.

Halting for a moment, the bundle of iron rails still on her shoulders, Mikasa finally turned to face him.

"What?"

"As a member of the Survey Corp, you are my business. I have a duty to ensure your welfare."

"Don't start this shit again, Levi. I'm not in the mood for this." Mikasa commenced her walk to the end of the track, finally setting down the iron rails she had been carrying.

"Everyone needs help sometime, Mikasa."

"Do I look like I need help?" Mikasa was standing next to the massive amount of ironwork that she had carried herself. "Would anyone else be capable of this?"

Levi looked at her, knowing that he should have spoken to her long ago, but he had always put it off thinking he had more time.

"All except for you that is…" Mikasa murmured, but still loud enough for Levi to hear.

"We have a lot to talk about. Believe me when I say, I am concerned about you."

"Levi. Just stop it." Her hands were on her hips, her back to him as she watched the sun sink lower into the horizon.

"I know that you are angry at me for letting Eren go to Marley, but he wou-"

Mikasa turned around, her eyes ablaze with rage and Levi was sure that she was going to strike him. Glancing down he could see that her hands were tight fists.

"You should have stopped him, Levi." Mikasa's gaze dropped to the ground, "I tried. I tried to stop him myself. But he told me that I must let him go. So, I did."

Mikasa shook her head, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"Why did I let him go, Levi? When all I wanted was for him to stay."

Levi felt a sinking sensation in his chest, unsure whether it was because of her words, or because of how distraught she looked.

"He would have left regardless of what any of us could have said or done." Levi said, knowing that this most likely was not going to bring her comfort.

_But maybe I have something that will help, even if it is just for a few moments._

Levi let go of the reins to his horse, it was well trained and wouldn't go far. The captain pulled off his backpack and set it on the ground, pulling out his flask which was still warm on the outside.

"Is that what I think it is?" Mikasa said in a dry tone.

"Probably."

Mikasa suspected that she saw a hint of a smile forming on the edge of his mouth.

Sitting down, Levi pulled out two military issued tin cups and motioned for Mikasa to take one. Without even thinking, Mikasa's hand took the cup and she sat down. Mikasa wished she had put her cloak on, now that the wind seemed to be picking up. The sweat on her back was starting to send a chill up her spine. She held out her cup as Levi poured the steaming liquid into it, when it occurred to her that maybe she did want to talk to someone. She wanted to let it all out. For months she suffered in the depths of her own mind, ruminating over hundreds of scenarios. Scenes of Eren leaving, Mikasa unable to stop him, and Eren eventually dying alone in foreign lands.

But she couldn't bring herself to talk to her friends, Armin, Jean, Sasha and the others. In a way it felt to close to home to talk to them about it. But Levi. There was something about Levi that made it so that she felt comfortable taking about uncomfortable things. Maybe it was because he was in the same position. He too could not talk to Hange, she was the Commander of the Survey Corp and had a myriad of her own problems. Levi did not want to burden her with his thoughts.

With both cups now emitting a hot fragrant scent, Mikasa finally got her first real look at the captain she hadn't seen in months. His dark circles were still there, albeit darker than before and few fine lines around the corners of his eyes. He brought the cup to his mouth, taking a moment to take in the fragrance and took a tentative sip.

"Just like old times, huh?" Mikasa quipped.

"It has been a while since we last did this."

Mikasa took a sip of her own. It was mint tea, which was a favourite of Levi's. It was the first personal thing about him that Mikasa had found out quite soon into their meetings. Not long after Levi found out that we he was related to Kenny Ackerman, and business with the scouts had slowed down somewhat, he started inviting Mikasa to have tea with him.

At the beginning, the conversations were quite awkward and filled with lengthy silences. Levi had felt it was his duty to be involved in Mikasa's life. Perhaps she would need guidance. Perhaps she would want answers to the power the lay deep within the Ackerman blood. Except that Levi didn't really have any answers, he himself not knowing about his linage until their encounter with Kenny. Levi had never mentored anyone. But he promised himself that he wouldn't do what Kenny did. He would help Mikasa, and any way he could. He just didn't know how.

Eventually, they both became comfortable with each other, though not confiding too deeply to one another. But after they reached the Jaeger's basement in Shiganshina, things changed.

"Talk to me, Mikasa."

"Do you think because you brought tea, that things can just go back to the way they were before?"

The sarcastic tone was not lost on Levi. But he took a moment before replying, knowing that he would have to choose his words carefully.

"I know its been a long time, too long, since I last spoke with you. You know I have been busy, but I should have prioritised coming back to see you."

Mikasa knew that his words were sincere, but she still felt anger coursing through her body.

"Do you know it felt when Eren left? For one of my closest childhood friends to abandon me… and Armin. But not only that – you left as well!" Her words spilled from her mouth before she could stop herself. "Do you know how…"

Levi said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

"How pathetic am I? Needing to rely on someone to talk to? I am a joke." Levi watched uncomfortably as her words and thoughts conflicted each other, knowing that he should have come back months ago.

"And who am I to talk?! The way I've treated Armin is despicable. I've thought only of myself, when one of my closest friends needs me. Especially now, with what is to come eventually…"

After Shiganshina, and what they learnt in the basement, they knew that the those who wielded the power of the titans would have a shortened lifespan. Every day was precious.

"I'm sorry, I was gone for far too long. It wasn't fair to you. But you shouldn't be so hard on yourself either. I know that you hold yourself to higher standards than others, but you have gone too far now, Mikasa."

Levi watched as Mikasa turned her gaze to him. She looked different from their last meeting. Her hair was tied back, her fringe flopped into her eyes but what concerned him was the aloofness evident in her eyes.

"Of course I hold myself to higher standards. You of all people should know why."

Levi nodded, knowing full well the reasons behind her argument.

"Because we are not like the others." Levi stated.

"Exactly." Mikasa said, her eyelids hanging low.

"You sound resentful, Mikasa"

Mikasa's head tilted slightly, "Maybe I do. Not that I resent this _power. _But yes, maybe I do resent them. All of them."

"Would you believe me if I said that I used to feel like that too. I used to pity these people. How they struggled against the titans, dropping like flies all around me. While_ I_ could take down multiple titans without breaking a sweat. It was unfathomable to me they anyone could have trouble taking one down…"

Levi grew quiet, falling into a short reverie of his first days in the Survey Corp.

"Pity turned to resentment, and for a while even disdain. I don't want the same thing to happen to you, Mikasa. It was hard to pull myself out of it."

Levi took a sip of tea and looked out to the unfinished railroad track.

"How did you get yourself out of it?" Mikasa asked, her voice quiet.

"I decided to change my way of thinking. It was a very conscious decision." Levi furrowed his brows, "No, that's not entirely true. But first, tell me what you're thinking."

Mikasa looked into her tin cup that was nearly empty now, unsure of how to phrase what she wanted to say, until it all came flooding out.

"These people are weak, Levi. So bloody weak, they can't even save themselves. I wanted to help them, of course I did. I thought it was the most natural thing in the world to want to help someone. Until I heard how ungrateful they were. How I watched comrade after comrade die, because they weren't quick enough or strong enough. Killing titans is child's play, Levi. It's like washing the dishes, routine and boring. But still I can't fathom how people have trouble doing it." Mikasa finally took a breath. "You are the only one that understands what I'm getting at, Levi. I don't want to hate these people, but it's so hard not to."

There was silence for a time. The wind snatching leaves the bronze and browning leaves from dying trees until they lay on the muddy earth. Levi took in the aromatic scent of his tea before taking a sip.

"I decided not to hate them, Mikasa. Because I realised two things. The first, you are right; killing titans is childs play – _for us._ We have this _power _within us_. _We know exactly what we need to do, and so we can go into battle fearlessly, not worrying about whether we live or die. Now imagine you are one of these people that you have grown resentful of. You have no extraordinary power or talent, yet you go to face titans head on, not knowing if you will make it out alive. These people are either entirely stupid or extraordinarily brave and selfless.

I chose to believe it is the later. Which brings me to my second point, I chose what to believe, because I can. I don't want to fill myself with hate, because then who knows what we would become. We decide who, and what we want to be."

Neither Levi nor Mikasa spoke for a time. She pondered over his words while she took a sip of tea, looking out at the empty plain that surrounded them, the few trees that were there we nearly all barren of their leaves now. It suddenly occurred to Mikasa to ask Levi a question that she had wanted to ask ever since she found out he was an Ackerman.

"Do you think that is why we have this… _power_?" Mikasa turned to Levi, hoping to catch his reaction.

"It is quite a burden when you think about it. Maybe that's why we have this power… because we would make the right decision. We would try to help others with it." Levi said as he stood up, draining the last of his tea.

Mikasa stood up too, feeling a spit of rain on her face as she grabbed her cloak. She pulled the cloak close as she looked at the unfinished train track, the timbre rail sleepers, iron strips and nails.

"It's not just about the paths we take, but also the ones we _choose _to make."

Levi had been packing the flask and cups into his backpack but now he looked up, watching Mikasa as she looked out at the unfinished train track. Knowing that he had got through to her, and for a moment he felt some relief. The gentle drizzle of rain had now turned into a downpour.

"Let's get out of here." Levi said, connecting the last clasp on his bag he stood up and whistled for his horse to return. They both pulled up their hoods, hoping for some respite from the rain. As Mikasa swam in her revelation, Levi couldn't help but notice the morose expression on her face. ". I have a new blend of tea from Mitras I think you might like. I dropped it off at the outpost on my way here. If you want to try it, that is."

"I'd like that very much. To be honest…I really have missed our conversations, Levi."

Caught off guard with her sudden candour, Levi was lost for words.

_Oh, how I have missed them too._

Levi thought about verbalising his inner thoughts, but fear struck him mute. Instead, all he could do was give her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. As they waited, Levi contemplated whether to ask Mikasa whether she wanted to ride the horse on the way back to outpost, seeing as she had been working all day.

"You know, you look different since I last saw you Levi." Mikasa told him.

"Oh really, how so?" Levi was genuinely curious of her answer.

"You look shorter." Mikasa said, not looking at him, but with a playful smile on her lips as her elbow nudged his arm.

He sighed. "You go too far, Mikasa. What would you think, if I told you that you look different too?"

"Oh really, how so?" She said, imitating his words.

Levi tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear, and said five words that made Mikasa blush.


End file.
